It is hard to believe how many years ago it was when I began my tradition of writing about the anniversary of 9/11...or since 9/11 itself. When the towers fell, my nephew was 1 month away from stealing my heart with his birth, now he is 1 month away from being 12 years old. Occasionally, I find it interesting to read back through my 9/11 posts sequentially. When I do, as I had hoped I would, I can see the bread crumbs from the present to that day, in my own journey to healing. In years passed I've referenced the paralyzing effect of the news footage from that day. I've relived the sorrow, the anger, the hurt, the generosity, the fear, the bravery, the unity, the division, mistakes, the triumphs, the politicization, the polarization, the conspiritzation, and the revisionism that have come to encircle this day. Ive also tried to capture the pulse of the nation...take a snapshot of our psyche...and of my own. This year, yet again, I find myself taken off guard by 9/11....only this year I can feel, for the first time, a sense of distance. There's a hint of dismissiveness and minimization, even in myself. Perhaps it is because over a decade has passed. Perhaps it is because the current administration does not refer to it as the previous one had. Perhaps it is because Bin Ladin is dead. Perhaps it is because we have other things that are worrying us more. There is a sense, in a general way, that what lies before us may dwarf what lies behind us. Perhaps these all play a part, but I suspect it is also because, we have been healing all along the way. The raw emotions are less accessible, the memories a little fuzzier. We remember, and we mourn, but we do not dwell.
I'm reminded of one of my favorite poems, In Memoriam by Tennyson. When he was in his 20s, he lost his best friend very suddenly, and he wrote the poem In Memoriam over the next 17 years. He chronicled the grief process like no one else ever has, touching on the major and minor moments over the years. Through his words, you can see how different seasons of his grief colored the way that he experienced the difference moments in his life through the years. Towards the end, he is able to come to terms with his loss and enjoy his life without guilt. He would always grieve, and always be changed by his loss, but he did not let the past steal the present.
Where we stand now, I can say that I believe my country and my countrymen have been profoundly changed by this event and the aftermath. We understand the dangers of the world outside of our relative utopia...however it seems as though we have moved beyond the reactionary, fear-based response and into a more reasoned and measured analysis of our place in this world. We have come a long way in the healing process.
God Bless those who mourn their loved ones tomorrow as they watch the footage, see the images and hear the sounds of that day.
